The older I get, the more I realize just how hard life is. It is hard to walk away from a hurtful situation and determine to forgive. It is hard to take the blinders off and gain a different perspective. It is hard to stand against the enemy when it seems overwhelming. It is hard to wait for direction, and then wait some more.
It is hard.
This life is hard.
And my flesh wants to try to make everything easy. To fix life. To solve all of this world’s problems, especially my own and those of my loved ones. I struggle and fight and cry and lose myself in just how hard it is.
And then I silently complain that God hasn’t come through. That I am hurting and the people I love are hurting and He hasn’t fixed it yet. That I have been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and He hasn’t come and taken it away.
And then He tells me that I was the one who chose to put the weight of the world up there on my shoulders in the first place. That I took my world from Him, who was in complete control, and tried to control it myself. He tells me that He knows how much it hurts, but He just doesn’t understand why I’m still fighting and crying and struggling to fix it all.
And then He reminds me that He has it under control. That I will grow through the trials. That others will need my help when life is just as hard for them. That I must learn to trust Him first and foremost. That He is only adding value to my life, even if it hurts right now. That I cannot expect life to be easy, but I can expect Him to be faithful. That He allowed His own Son to hurt, for me. And that He will always be there, to lift the weight of the world off of my shoulders, if I will only let Him.
And all I can do is drop the world, wipe away the tears, and beg His forgiveness. He is the only One who knows just how much it hurts, He alone knows my heart even better than I do, and He alone knows just how to fix it.
“Lucy…what have you done, child?” – Aslan
“I don’t know. That was awful.” – Lucy
“But you chose it, Lucy.”
“I didn’t mean to choose all of that, I just wanted to be beautiful like Susan. That’s all.”
“You wished yourself away. And with it, much more. Your brothers and sister wouldn’t know Narnia without you, Lucy. You discovered it first, remember?”
“I’m so sorry.”
“You doubt your value. Don’t run from who you are.”
(From The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader)
“Stop [your fighting]- and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth.” Psalm 46:10 HCS