God I Look to You

I wrote a somewhat elusive blog one month ago today, and for you 2-3 dedicated readers that I’ve got, you can rest in the knowledge that today you will be receiving some answers to my evasiveness.

But before I get into that, let me go back to that beautiful day in May 2011, when Erin and I were approved to go on this mission trip to South Africa. We got the call and quickly made a tentative plan. Erin was to be speaking at a Womens’ Conference in JoBurg, and we were going to do ministry to refugees and orphans outside of the city as well. We were to build a team of people willing to sacrifice their time, energy, love, and finances to join us on this adventure with Jesus, and we were to partner with another church in the Atlanta area as well. This church has been to South Africa on numerous occasions, and were our primary connection to Harold Peasley and Multi Ministries. Having only been on one other overseas mission trip, I felt safe knowing that the Atlanta team would come alongside us and guide us in our planning and in our going.

Little did I know what would happen less than four months before we were set to leave. That day, my emotions poured through me as I read an incredibly brief email from South Africa telling me that the team from Atlanta would no longer be able to join us on our trip. As you can read in my former post, I was stunned.

And almost every day since then I have struggled with the consequences from that email. It is as if I am peeling the layers off of an onion – continually finding more and more challenges before me.

Now, let it be known that I have not questioned their decision. I truly believe that the Lord has guided them in making this decision not to join us, and I know it was not an easy decision for them to make. But as I was updating someone about the situation not long after, they asked me who would now be leading the team, and do you want to know my answer? “I guess… me?” Me? The girl who has only been on one other mission trip to Africa? This girl may enjoy planning weekend getaways and European cruises with friends, but mission trips? That’s a whole different ball game. Do I even have the ability to lead a team of 13 people, some of them significantly older than me?

Why did He think I would be able to do this?

I immediately began to seek an answer to this question. And because He is the faithful God He says He is, as I have sought godly counsel from others and from His Word, He has answered. When I doubt my ability to lead these 13 people on this rollercoaster called a mission trip, He proves to me that He is my confidence. When the questions regarding the details of the trip far outweigh the answers, He reminds me that He is my peace. When I am overwhelmed with the “what-if’s” and the “what now’s”, He shows me that He is my sufficiency.

Every challenge that I face (and I’m sure there will be a plethora of them between now and May 10), I know that He will be right beside me, being glorified in my weaknesses.

“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I’m weak, you guys. I can’t do this aside from His grace. Nor would I be able to do this had He not surrounded me with a team overflowing with understanding and patience. I am so blessed to serve alongside these people who pray for me and pour out grace after grace as we learn together, all the while acknowledging our weaknesses.

“I do not think I have any special qualities. I don’t claim anything for the work. It is His work. I am like a little pencil in His hand, that is all. He does the thinking. He does the writing. The pencil has nothing to do with it. The pencil has only to be allowed to be used.” – Mother Teresa

I am that pencil, and a pencil does not question what the Author is writing, nor does it provide anything more than what the Pencilmaker gave it.

So for now, whenever the doubts begin to creep in, I will crank up my iTunes and shout this anthem to my King, knowing that if I continue to look to Him and boast only in my weaknesses and His grace, He will be _whatever I need Him to be in that moment_.

“God I look to You, I won’t be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like You do
God I look to You, You’re where my help comes from
Give me wisdom, You know just what to do
I will love You Lord my strength
I will love You Lord my shield
I will love You Lord my rock forever all my days
I will love You God
Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Forever all my days

3 thoughts on “God I Look to You

  1. Great post Hayley. Where God guides, He provides. He wouldn’t put you in this position if He didn’t think He could trust you with it, and more importantly, that you would have to trust Him with it.
    I’m proud of you

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